My Wikidness #1

Totally flabbergaster is the title? No doubt! I have my smile always in place and thoughts as well! Sometimes I am an activist and sometimes chauvinist! Some more time left of the 24 hours in a day? I am an I.T. Engineer in that remaining time. And this wikidness has no relations of me being a hacker.

Well, happened to pass by Dr. Moose Road (Thane – West) almost twice in this week. This part of Thane knocks me dead in dreams of owning an bungalow or an apartment there. The lake view from Balconies are partially synonymous with the views from balconies on Marine Drive. The oldest and the finest restaurant of Thane – Sai Krupa and Namaskar, respectively, fall on the same road. And passing by, I was reminded of this SMS Joke, by the sympathetic part of me!

yahaa bhi khuda hai,
wahaan bhi khuda hai…
jahaan nahi khuda hai,
wahan kal khudega!!

Aah yeah! You get it right! The Mumbaiiya-tradition of Roadworks is in progress. And they have ripped off a portion of the main road, encircling the talaopali – stretching  from Gadkari Rangayatan Auditorium to the Boating Club! And yeah, traffic is operational for both sides from only one lane. The Volume of traffic is damn high there with just one lane operational.

Now with some shit happening on the Work-In-Progress stretch, there is a quick pause for all of the traffic moving towards Boating Club! Yo! Vehicles slow down and pause there for that pause and line up back to back. Now some ova-smart bykers can’t hold their asses on the saddle and make their horsepowers use the remaining portion, meant to be used by traffic flowing from Boating Club towards Rangayatan Auditorium. So the lane towards Boating Club is occupied by 4 wheelers and the other lane is jammed completely by these Bykers!

The traffic that’s moving out of Railway Station premises, takes a left turn to get off Shivaji Path and reach Rangayatan Auditorium. And when they are passing by Boating Club, they sniff traffic or some shit and before they realize, they see a byk in front of their vehicle. They pause to deal with the byk and there are few more vehicles parked back to back. And with twice the rate than the former, there are more byks paused in front of their vehicle. The live honking show then starts. The bykers oolti out the verbal puke to the 4 wheelers in the most ruffian way. And the ones in the 4 wheelers, probly missed carrying their Car Tissue Box or the Aloe-Vera-flavored-Wipes. Now nothing handy that can wipe their oolti as well, they keep quiet and patient. Damn they care about even pulling down their power windows and feel the dust of the road or the flavor of the oolti, that bykers give.

Well, I am still watching everything and I continue to be the audience. The Live Honking is aggravating. But soothing to see all the Audis, Volkswagens and Hondas or even Swifts stuck there. A sympathy arises for the 4 wheelers for the rate at which their fuel tank is loosing or probly the rate at which their pockets are burning! Now why wouldn’t the bykers claim their part of sympathy? Its just a saddle over a bunch of horsepower, which occupies only 10-20% of total space occupied by any Honda or a Audi. Why the injustice to them and they have to wait, just coz the 4 wheelers took their space? They have the right to oolti out their anger, as the bykers are from working class who aren’t out for cruising at this hour.

Hmm! Still analyzing the situation, is me and there I see someone get off his vehicle. Now he is the one who might have saved Mario’s girlfriend a lot of times? Or did he do a mastery in Tetris? If he has done a good deal of Tetris, he must be granted a contract at Pay n Park places! And now he is like trying to unwind the invisible wires of an invisible handsfree kit to listen the soothing music of his cell? His childhood dream of controlling the world is coming true. He is acting a Traffic Cop or a Hawaldaar who can make anyone stop and pass the others and thus trying to gain control over situation. By the time he manages to let that 2 cars and 5 byks get on their way, he find another set of byks on the wrong side and a new flavor of oolti.

And there is something to distract me. Pom-Pom of the TMT, or the Thane Municipal Transport bus. No doubt, am on trot today. And the pom-pom makes me realize – I am stil the aam junta, who travels by those buses if not trotting in the city. I still don’t own any of those 100 to 2000 cc engines. The adventures come to my flash when my TMT was stuck on the Ghodbunder Road, coz some bloody WagonR was stalled. Or maybe I was getting off the TMT Bus @ Police Line bus stop and was brushed by a byker – coz he was taking over the bus from the side where passengers are getting on and off the bus. Or probly I was delayed to office (in my firm’s transportation) by a couple of hours, coz 4 4-wheeled vehicles had a bumper to bumper collisions, since the BMC dumper braked in emergency. Or probly the 4-wheelers and bykers honked deep to the eardrums of my parents, when they stopped a passing-by auto, and took few seconds more to arrange themselves safe in the auto.

So why am I still here, trying to find out whose haste has raised this live honking show or the oolti all over the Thane’s own Marine Drive? Why do I care if the byker is in real hurry to drop an consignment to its owner? Or if the car is carrying 12 school going kids who are late for their lunch? Or if the housewife is out for cruising at leisure to land up into Husband’s Business Yard? Well, am moving now on my route, to scale down to my Destiny – my home!

I have covered the distance to be walking parallel to the highest wall of St. John’s – The Baptist High School. I am witnessing the Vehicles moving towards Rangayatan Auditorium and then probly to the Boating Club,coz that Shivaji Path is always full with slow moving traffic. An sympathetic part of mine, again wants to warn the passing vehicles for taking a U-turn. Right here, and go back to Shivaji Path where the traffic would be at least moving slow. Unlike dumb-stuck here or a bit later near Gadakari Rangayatan or more later at Boating Club.

Didn’t I introduce you to the wikid part of me? Aah, I forgot probly. But here the wikid part of me pulls back the sympathetic part of me. Reminds me again of those situations when I was struck in a TMT bus. Coz these private vehicles had their priorities and no respect on humanity grounds for the size of the TMT Bus or the number of people waiting inside it, to reach to their destiny. They could have paused for a moment, to let the TMT bus pass which still has a rule of not going beyond 40 kms per hour. These private vehicles have no such barring of 40 kms per hour and that helps them reach on time.

So the sympathetic part of me has lost the battle, under the afternoon sun, to the wikid part of me. Well the twist is, I am now praying for more vehicles to get off Shivaji Path and turn towards the Rangayatan Auditorium. More vehicles to pile up back to back. More of those smart-ass bykers to add up to complications there. And now when the trail is so big, let the ones in the extreme end of trail be unaware of what’s happening. For God’s sake, no one walking by should tell him there is no Political Rally or no argument over “why your vehicle kissed my car’s body colored bumpers?” ahead. No one should inform them about a simple traffic situation ahead due to those smart asses is happening. Let them run out of frustration, looking for an answer to this question – why this Kolaveri Di?

Does Kolaveri Di ever answer? I don’t have a perfect answer for this but she has never answered to those questions, which I had specifically reserved to ask someone special like her. And these vehicles at the tail of jam would also be not getting an answer from Kolaveri Di as well. In a desperation to get an answer, they would pull their head out of the window, only to hear a horn of another vehicle who is trying to pause \ park his vehicle just close to you. As much close as if he was the most closest  friend you had to sob over his shoulders, when the girl ditched you, after you fancied her and admitted that you fancy her. Or if anyone hasn’t parked so close to them, they have an option of making a way themselves. And they now attempt to take a U-turn to go back to Shivaji Path. All the time when you were alone in the traffic and was looking for a company to yak-yak with, you didn’t find any. Now when you are turning back to Shivaji Path, and you have your vehicle positioned intersecting the road or in 90 degrees to the road, for final turn you would notice about a four more vehicles arranged around you. Leaving zero place for you to complete those final 90 degrees. And there starts another epicenter of the fuzz, like it was between Rangayatan and Boating Club.

So basically traffic is infectious, like cold and sleep. Trust me, its highly infectious! I was in the Window seat, behind the driver. Prakash was next to me. Zen was on the other side of passage and the window seat at her left was empty. While this office drop bus of ours is taking a right turn from Cadbury junction, I yawn unintentionally coz am way too tired to hold back yawning. The bus completes the right turn and Prakash gives a yawn. While the bus moves a bit more, Zen starts packing up her stuff > settling her backpack > gives a yawn. And then the wikid look at me – you are the one spreading it!

But my wikidness doesn’t seem to be that infectious. So while everyone is busy positioning their vehicles for their convenience, though acting nuff to prove that they are doing it for other’s convenience, between the stretch from St. John’s – The Baptist High School upto Gadakari Rangayatan Auditorium upto the Boating Club, I am smiling within me, as the wikid me says to everyone – “maro saalon sab k sab. jab traffic solve ho jaye toh ek do gaddi firse band pad jaaye due to that typical bollywood-ishtyle-engine-overheating or someone’s fuel tank just got empty. Bada pareshaan kiya hai mujhe, when I was in that TMT bus. Ab bhugto!”

 

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2 thoughts on “My Wikidness #1

    1. Thanks Indu! Just missed to reply back to your comment! Its just a matter of having a good sleepless night with no dogs barking outside! Thoughts come out much better in such a time!

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